When you’re just starting out as a writer, it’s normal to make mistakes. Some of us are lucky, and we only have a few bloopers in our early manuscripts, while others struggle with loads of glitches. In my early years as a writer, I had more than my fair share.
I recently started doing assessing and proofreading of new manuscript submissions for a small publisher in New Zealand, and reading some of the work of first-time authors has reminded me of the things that one can do wrong when writing. So, for all you new writers out there, struggling to get that first novel in shape for submission to a publisher, or for indie publishing, following are the ten most frequently encountered, and most irritable problems I find in the work of beginning writers. They’re not in any particular order, such as frequency, seriousness, or degree of irritability, but I suppose that since I found them in this order in my notes from three recent jobs says something about the frequency with which they occur. I hope you’ll find this useful as you prepare your own magnum opus.
- Too many characters. Life is full of people, but when you people your novel with too many named and identified characters it creates confusion. The reader is often left wondering who from the expansive list of characters is important, and who is just a walk-on, like ‘the security guard’ in the credits at the end of a film. It’s a good practice, in fact, to use this cinematic technique for characters who are included basically for filler to show that your imaginary world is populated. Another thing that crops up from time to time when there are too many characters is that some will have similar names, further adding to the confusion.
- Inconsistency in identifying characters. Have you ever read a story where a character was ‘Jonathan’ at the first introduction, but became ‘Mr. Jacobs,’ or ‘Jon’ later I the book? Not only have I found this, but in one manuscript I read, the main character was identified with three different names on the same page. My advice here; pick a name (for the narrative, because different other characters might refer to him or her by different names—although, I recommend even keeping this to a minimum) for your characters, and use it consistently throughout your manuscript.
- Too much detail. In most cases this is data dumping. The author has to tell us everything there is to know about every character, object, or place in the story. Don’t do it! When I’m reading for pleasure, and encounter this, I stop reading, and I’m pretty sure most readers do the same. As an editor, I’m often forced to endure it just to be able to evaluate the entire manuscript, but I can assure you that it does not endear me to that writer.
- Too much information. This is data dumping. In this case, the author has turned up tons of information about whatever, and feels compelled to share it with readers. Like overly detailed descriptions, please restrain yourself. This interrupts the flow of the story, and will turn the reader off, who is very likely to stop turning pages.
- Misuse of a thesaurus. Before you scream, pull out your hair, and stop reading, let me say that I basically have nothing against use of a thesaurus to improve and expand your vocabulary. As a matter of fact, on occasion, I will use it to find a word that better expresses the intent of a sentence than the one that first came to me. What some writers do, especially beginning writers, is use the thesaurus to change ‘common’ words to more ‘sophisticated’ ones in the mistaken belief that this makes their writing more ‘sophisticated.’ Their writing is peppered with pompous, grandiloquent terms that make it sound fake. Purple pose of the ilk, ‘He descended the stairs with magnificent importunity,’ instead of ‘he ran quickly down the stairs,’ will not impress most readers. Use the thesaurus sparingly, or even better, stop using it for a while.
- Head hopping. Have you ever read a story in which two or more characters are in a scene and you can never tell from which characters’ point of view the story is being told because the writer moves from one’s viewpoint to another? This is called head hopping. In fiction, you want your readers to identify with your character, preferably your main character, and get into your story. When you move from the thoughts or feelings of one character to another within the same scene, you evict the reader from the story in a state of confusion. Advice here: stick to one character’s viewpoint within a scene—actually, I prefer to give each character his or her own chapter—and have a clear demarcation when you wish to switch to another character. I’ve read manuscripts where the writer moved through the heads of three different characters on the same page, and in one really egregious case, between two characters in the same paragraph. Some writers do this and try to cover it by saying they’re writing in third person omniscient. But they use the character’s voices when they do it, rather than the omniscient god/narrator, knocking the pins from under that alibi right away.
- Verb aspect shifts. Some writers make changes in aspect without being aware of the subtle difference in meaning this can cause. For example, in unmotivated shifts between the simple past and past perfective forms of verbs, such as ‘I worked as a writer for twenty years,’ as compared to ‘I have worked as a writer for twenty years.’ Do you see the subtle difference in meaning between these two sentences? The first implies that you no longer work as a writer, while the second means that you’re still writing. If that’s what you mean to say, fine, but if the rest of your passage implies that you’re still writing, you will have lost your reader.
- Improper verb tense shifts. A problem that I’ve encountered in a number of manuscripts that I’ve reviewed is the tendency of many writers to begin a story or passage in past tense, and suddenly shift to present tense, as in ‘the building was on Sixth Street, the entrance, however, is on Fourth Street.’ This is a trite example, but if you read it carefully, you can see how this can jar a reader. Especially if it happens more than once, as I’ve often encountered. Here’s another example that is in a book I recommend to the participants in my professional writing workshop: ‘Last week I was walking along a street when this man walks up to me and says . . .’. I know that many people speak like this, but in writing it’s considered an error, unless it’s a character speaking.
- Noun modifier
order.
When describing a person, place, or thing and you wish to show more than one
trait, it’s important to list them in a logical order. Here’s an example that I
encountered in a manuscript: ‘The blond, German, tall man.’ This sounds silly,
I know, but I’ve seen this and worse, especially when the writer stacks
modifiers, that is, uses three or more nouns to describe an object, person or
place. First, it’s a good idea to limit such modifiers, or adjectives, to no
more than three, but if you feel it absolutely essential, the following order
should be used:
- Determiners and post-determiners – articles, numerals and other limiters
- Observation/opinion – limiter adjectives such as perfect, interesting, etc.
- Size – adjectives depicting physical size (e.g. small, big)
- Age – adjectives denoting age (e.g. young, ten-year-old)
- Shape – adjectives such as round, swollen, shrunken.
- Color – self-evident. (e.g. black, tan, pale)
- Origin – source (e.g. German, extraterrestrial)
- Material – what something is made of (e.g. wool, metallic)
- Qualifier/Purpose – this is a final limiter which sometimes forms a compound noun, such as rocking chair or book cover
Using the above list, the example sentence would then be correctly written, ‘the tall, blonde, German man.’ This one was easy, and I imagine most of you figured out the correct answer before even reading the list. Keep it in mind, though, as you write, and you can avoid this all too common glitch.
- Overuse of similes. This is one that really bugs me, both as an editor and a reader. Similes are a good way to liven up your writing. Take the following examples. She was happy as compared to She was like a cloud on a warm summer day. See the difference? Now, what do you think of the following? She was like a cloud on a warm summer day, flitting like a butterfly from flower to flower, her voice like the babbling of a crystal stream. Okay, I just made that up, but I think you get the picture. Too many similes make your writing seem contrived, and the two comparisons, each fine on its own, are a bit over the top. Curb the compulsion to make so many comparisons, and for heaven’s sake, don’t do it in one sentence.
These are not the only mistakes beginning writers make, but they’re the ones that drive me crazy. As an editor, I spend countless hours annotating them in manuscripts and searching for ways to convince the writer to delete them without bruising an ego or sounding too critical. As a reader, when I encounter them in a book, that book goes into my donation pile.
I hope this bit of advice from someone who has not only suffered them countless times, but who—a confession here—has committed them in my own early writing career, will help you to make your writing a joy to your editors and a source of endless entertainment for your readers.
